TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-03-26
APPROVED
Millipede Aqualuft
Strength65
Speed85
Endurance75
Technique80
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread60
Fingers1000
Toes1000
TALE OF THE TAPE
Millipede Aqualuft VS Regional Manager Dave
Regional Manager Dave
70Strength
45Speed
85Endurance
90Technique
2.8Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Regional Manager Dave
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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