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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-03-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 3, 2026 at 7:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Bingo Bertha "The Destroyer"

Bingo Bertha "The Destroyer"

Strength45
Speed40
Endurance95
Technique98
Molecular Density1.1
Existential Dread25
Fingers8
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Bingo Bertha "The Destroyer" VS Mookie Sanders
Mookie Sanders

Mookie Sanders

120Strength
100Speed
20Endurance
60Technique
84.6Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
9Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Mookie Sanders
Violence concluded.
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