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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-05-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, January 5, 2026 at 6:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Square Root

Square Root

Strength57
Speed80
Endurance63
Technique100
Molecular Density1.4
Existential Dread73
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Square Root VS The Intern
The Intern

The Intern

61Strength
78Speed
95Endurance
66Technique
1.0Molecular Density
109Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Square Root
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule