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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-05-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, January 5, 2026 at 6:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
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Strength91
Speed45
Endurance103
Technique61
Molecular Density0.0
Existential Dread127
Fingers1
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
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100Strength
2Speed
101Endurance
100Technique
10.0Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
20Fingers
20Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

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