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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-06-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 6, 2026 at 2:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Comfort Septemberish

Comfort Septemberish

Strength50
Speed70
Endurance95
Technique85
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread15
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Comfort Septemberish VS Empyrean Angel
Empyrean Angel

Empyrean Angel

70Strength
40Speed
100Endurance
90Technique
25.4Molecular Density
8Existential Dread
6Fingers
7Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Empyrean Angel
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule