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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-06-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 6, 2026 at 5:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
French Toast Fury

French Toast Fury

Strength82
Speed69
Endurance76
Technique73
Molecular Density2.6
Existential Dread28
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
French Toast Fury VS The Mysterious Bathroom Smell
The Mysterious Bathroom Smell

The Mysterious Bathroom Smell

85Strength
65Speed
73Endurance
77Technique
1.3Molecular Density
61Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

French Toast Fury
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule