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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-06-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 6, 2026 at 9:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Lars Ulrich

Lars Ulrich

Strength60
Speed95
Endurance70
Technique90
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread65
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lars Ulrich VS Crystalized Entropy
Crystalized Entropy

Crystalized Entropy

98Strength
20Speed
101Endurance
98Technique
11.2Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
13Fingers
13Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Crystalized Entropy
Violence concluded.
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