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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-06-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 6, 2026 at 11:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Last Two Percent

The Last Two Percent

Strength98
Speed97
Endurance100
Technique100
Molecular Density0.0
Existential Dread100
Fingers2
Toes0
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Last Two Percent VS Insurance Denial Ian
Insurance Denial Ian

Insurance Denial Ian

86Strength
75Speed
80Endurance
98Technique
3.1Molecular Density
95Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Last Two Percent
Violence concluded.
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