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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-08-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 8, 2026 at 4:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Empty Fridge at 2AM

Empty Fridge at 2AM

Strength84
Speed67
Endurance74
Technique75
Molecular Density1.6
Existential Dread81
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Empty Fridge at 2AM VS Surprise Bill Betty
Surprise Bill Betty

Surprise Bill Betty

76Strength
72Speed
82Endurance
70Technique
3.5Molecular Density
66Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Empty Fridge at 2AM
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule