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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-08-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 8, 2026 at 3:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Auto-Correct Apocalypse

Auto-Correct Apocalypse

Strength75
Speed85
Endurance70
Technique70
Molecular Density3.0
Existential Dread41
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Auto-Correct Apocalypse VS Dollar Menu Doom
Dollar Menu Doom

Dollar Menu Doom

71Strength
77Speed
76Endurance
76Technique
3.4Molecular Density
31Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Auto-Correct Apocalypse
Violence concluded.
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