TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-08-26
APPROVED
Walter Scrimshaw-Owens Jr.
Strength70
Speed85
Endurance60
Technique85
Molecular Density20.7
Existential Dread89
Fingers11
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Walter Scrimshaw-Owens Jr. VS The Mysterious Bathroom Smell
The Mysterious Bathroom Smell
85Strength
65Speed
73Endurance
77Technique
1.3Molecular Density
61Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Walter Scrimshaw-Owens Jr.
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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