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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-08-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 8, 2026 at 8:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Pharmacy Phil "Wait Time"

Pharmacy Phil "Wait Time"

Strength70
Speed70
Endurance85
Technique92
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread80
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Pharmacy Phil "Wait Time" VS Grollis Zephyr
Grollis Zephyr

Grollis Zephyr

80Strength
90Speed
67Endurance
91Technique
0.9Molecular Density
70Existential Dread
14Fingers
6Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Grollis Zephyr
Violence concluded.
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