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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-09-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 9, 2026 at 2:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Scootie

Scootie

Strength40
Speed120
Endurance60
Technique80
Molecular Density19.1
Existential Dread57
Fingers14
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Scootie VS BO BAX JR FACT
BO BAX JR FACT

BO BAX JR FACT

60Strength
100Speed
60Endurance
80Technique
38.9Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

BO BAX JR FACT
Violence concluded.
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