TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-09-26
APPROVED
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja”
Strength85
Speed85
Endurance60
Technique70
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread22
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja” VS Sleep Paralysis Pam
Sleep Paralysis Pam
60Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
90Technique
0.9Molecular Density
99Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Sleep Paralysis Pam
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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