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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-09-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, January 9, 2026 at 11:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Dean of Discipline

Dean of Discipline

Strength85
Speed65
Endurance95
Technique90
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread75
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Dean of Discipline VS Polymer Paradise
Polymer Paradise

Polymer Paradise

91Strength
77Speed
89Endurance
79Technique
3.7Molecular Density
37Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Dean of Discipline
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule