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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-10-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, January 10, 2026 at 10:30 AM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Snack Attack Stan

Snack Attack Stan

Strength70
Speed75
Endurance85
Technique70
Molecular Density2.3
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Snack Attack Stan VS Clearance Rack Rachel
Clearance Rack Rachel

Clearance Rack Rachel

60Strength
95Speed
75Endurance
88Technique
1.9Molecular Density
75Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Clearance Rack Rachel
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule