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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-12-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, January 12, 2026 at 7:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Cracked iPhone Screen

☠️ Cracked iPhone Screen ☠️

Strength67
Speed67
Endurance65
Technique101
Molecular Density23.4
Existential Dread44
Fingers11
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Cracked iPhone Screen VS The Footnote
The Footnote

The Footnote

63Strength
97Speed
62Endurance
78Technique
0.9Molecular Density
71Existential Dread
8Fingers
8Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Footnote
Violence concluded.
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