TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-12-26
APPROVED
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Strength80
Speed95
Endurance75
Technique92
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread30
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Jean-Claude Van Damme VS Keanu Reeves
Keanu Reeves
85Strength
95Speed
80Endurance
90Technique
2.1Molecular Density
10Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Jean-Claude Van Damme
Violence concluded.
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