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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-13-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, January 13, 2026 at 3:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The Rubber Stamp

☠️ The Rubber Stamp ☠️

Strength60
Speed95
Endurance60
Technique85
Molecular Density41.3
Existential Dread85
Fingers9
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Rubber Stamp VS Boiling Singularity Vapors
Boiling Singularity Vapors

Boiling Singularity Vapors

120Strength
100Speed
20Endurance
60Technique
8.1Molecular Density
100Existential Dread
17Fingers
3Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Boiling Singularity Vapors
Violence concluded.
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