TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-13-26
APPROVED
TV Remote
Strength64
Speed66
Endurance90
Technique80
Molecular Density89.8
Existential Dread100
Fingers15
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
TV Remote VS Cabbage Jenkins
Cabbage Jenkins
66Strength
71Speed
86Endurance
77Technique
67.5Molecular Density
41Existential Dread
11Fingers
7Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Cabbage Jenkins
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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