TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
01-13-26
APPROVED
Lawnmower Jesus
Strength74
Speed68
Endurance52
Technique106
Molecular Density92.4
Existential Dread77
Fingers11
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Lawnmower Jesus VS Moist Carl
Moist Carl
91Strength
79Speed
71Endurance
59Technique
61.4Molecular Density
86Existential Dread
10Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Moist Carl
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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