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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-14-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, January 14, 2026 at 2:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Bolognese Blitz

☠️ Bolognese Blitz ☠️

Strength90
Speed70
Endurance80
Technique60
Molecular Density3.3
Existential Dread30
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Bolognese Blitz VS Thilly Gooth
Thilly Gooth

Thilly Gooth

80Strength
50Speed
108Endurance
62Technique
86.3Molecular Density
81Existential Dread
12Fingers
9Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Thilly Gooth
Violence concluded.
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