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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-14-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, January 14, 2026 at 5:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Serif

Serif

Strength47
Speed88
Endurance78
Technique87
Molecular Density0.8
Existential Dread55
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Serif VS The Intern
The Intern

☠️ The Intern ☠️

61Strength
78Speed
95Endurance
66Technique
1.0Molecular Density
109Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Serif
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule