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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-14-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Wednesday, January 14, 2026 at 6:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Low Battery Mode

Low Battery Mode

Strength101
Speed4
Endurance104
Technique103
Molecular Density10.0
Existential Dread99
Fingers20
Toes20
TALE OF THE TAPE
Low Battery Mode VS Maybe Tomorrow
Maybe Tomorrow

Maybe Tomorrow

55Strength
75Speed
85Endurance
88Technique
1.5Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Low Battery Mode
Violence concluded.
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