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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
01-15-26
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, January 15, 2026 at 9:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ⏱️ VIOLENCE PENDING
Bot Account Barbara

Bot Account Barbara

Strength85
Speed98
Endurance55
Technique75
Molecular Density0.5
Existential Dread70
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Bot Account Barbara VS Beans McBlase
Beans McBlase

Beans McBlase

70Strength
80Speed
75Endurance
90Technique
2.1Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
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