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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-06-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, September 6, 2025 at 6:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Betty White

Betty White

Strength61
Speed82
Endurance107
Technique97
Molecular Density1.8
Existential Dread5
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Betty White VS Just Five More Minutes
Just Five More Minutes

Just Five More Minutes

43Strength
36Speed
84Endurance
78Technique
1.8Molecular Density
70Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Betty White
Violence concluded.
← Return to Violence Schedule