TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-06-25
APPROVED
Slosh Gulp
Strength48
Speed59
Endurance68
Technique75
Molecular Density1.4
Existential Dread85
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Slosh Gulp VS Professor Punches
Professor Punches
90Strength
91Speed
101Endurance
103Technique
3.1Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Professor Punches
Violence concluded.
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