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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-09-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Tuesday, September 9, 2025 at 8:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Librarian Linda "Shush of Death"

Librarian Linda "Shush of Death"

Strength70
Speed80
Endurance90
Technique92
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread60
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Librarian Linda "Shush of Death" VS War Machine
War Machine

War Machine

85Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
60Technique
2.8Molecular Density
10Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

War Machine
Violence concluded.
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