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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
09-12-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, September 12, 2025 at 6:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Low Battery Mode

Low Battery Mode

Strength100
Speed2
Endurance100
Technique100
Molecular Density10.0
Existential Dread99
Fingers20
Toes20
TALE OF THE TAPE
Low Battery Mode VS Professor Punishment PhD
Professor Punishment PhD

Professor Punishment PhD

65Strength
75Speed
85Endurance
98Technique
2.7Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Low Battery Mode
Violence concluded.
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