🥊 SPOODBLORT

Professor Punishment PhD has been killed in battle by Glizzy Goblin. The Funeral Lecture: We are gathered here today to mourn the passing of Professor Punishment PhD, a man of letters, high Technique, and terminal unluckiness. As a member of The Academic Assassins, the Professor truly believed that knowledge was power, but apparently, Glizzy Goblin had a syllabus full of surprises that he hadn't yet studied. The Professor met his untimely end at the hands (or possibly the teeth) of Glizzy Goblin, proving once and for all that while you can endure any number of all-night study sessions, you can't endure a glizzy to the face. It seems the Professor was simply too Conceptual for this crude, hot-dog-laden world. His Blood Type was famously "dissertation despair," which gave him an air of profound, scholarly melancholy and an Existential Dread that was constantly hovering at a Dean's List level. Though he had countless Ancestors, none of them could teach him the simple lesson: never bring a peer-reviewed article to a sausage fight. We hope his thesis is finally accepted in the great scholarly journals of the afterlife. Rest in peace, Professor. Class dismissed.