TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-15-25
APPROVED
Soccer Mom Supreme
Strength75
Speed95
Endurance80
Technique70
Molecular Density2.2
Existential Dread65
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Soccer Mom Supreme VS Hornswoggle
Hornswoggle
55Strength
90Speed
70Endurance
80Technique
1.6Molecular Density
70Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Hornswoggle
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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