TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-23-25
APPROVED
The Rock Johnson
Strength94
Speed82
Endurance87
Technique87
Molecular Density3.5
Existential Dread20
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Rock Johnson VS Steve Irwin
Steve Irwin
80Strength
85Speed
90Endurance
88Technique
2.5Molecular Density
20Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Rock Johnson
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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