TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-24-25
APPROVED
Fresh Rodriguez
Strength75
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique95
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread35
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Fresh Rodriguez VS Self-Checkout Stan
Self-Checkout Stan
80Strength
70Speed
95Endurance
85Technique
2.8Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Fresh Rodriguez
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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