TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
09-29-25
APPROVED
Closing Time Tim
Strength85
Speed90
Endurance70
Technique80
Molecular Density2.4
Existential Dread95
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Closing Time Tim VS Self-Checkout Stan
Self-Checkout Stan
80Strength
70Speed
95Endurance
85Technique
2.8Molecular Density
90Existential Dread
9Fingers
11Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Closing Time Tim
Violence concluded.
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