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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-09-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Thursday, October 9, 2025 at 4:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Wet Sock Walking Willie

Wet Sock Walking Willie

Strength66
Speed79
Endurance83
Technique72
Molecular Density1.9
Existential Dread57
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Wet Sock Walking Willie VS Hair in the Drain Helena
Hair in the Drain Helena

Hair in the Drain Helena

82Strength
66Speed
73Endurance
79Technique
2.4Molecular Density
40Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Hair in the Drain Helena
Violence concluded.
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