TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-13-25
APPROVED
The Leaf Blower
Strength90
Speed80
Endurance60
Technique70
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread32
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Leaf Blower VS Garage Sale Gloria
Garage Sale Gloria
70Strength
70Speed
80Endurance
80Technique
2.0Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Garage Sale Gloria
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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