TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-16-25
APPROVED
404 Error Evan
Strength81
Speed90
Endurance65
Technique74
Molecular Density3.1
Existential Dread57
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
404 Error Evan VS Punchin Bag
Punchin Bag
20Strength
40Speed
120Endurance
120Technique
33.6Molecular Density
49Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
404 Error Evan
Violence concluded.
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