TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-23-25
APPROVED
Syrup Strangler
Strength78
Speed74
Endurance73
Technique75
Molecular Density2.9
Existential Dread42
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Syrup Strangler VS 99 Cent Store Samurai
99 Cent Store Samurai
83Strength
69Speed
69Endurance
69Technique
2.5Molecular Density
47Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Syrup Strangler
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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