TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
10-24-25
APPROVED
SwizzleSchtick
Strength52
Speed72
Endurance62
Technique124
Molecular Density33.3
Existential Dread96
Fingers8
Toes11
TALE OF THE TAPE
SwizzleSchtick VS Count Dankula
Count Dankula
93Strength
54Speed
76Endurance
77Technique
14.2Molecular Density
35Existential Dread
15Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Count Dankula
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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