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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
10-24-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Friday, October 24, 2025 at 5:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Unanswered Text Anxiety

Unanswered Text Anxiety

Strength81
Speed64
Endurance78
Technique77
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread93
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Unanswered Text Anxiety VS Sunday Night Dread
Sunday Night Dread

Sunday Night Dread

73Strength
78Speed
72Endurance
77Technique
2.0Molecular Density
96Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Unanswered Text Anxiety
Violence concluded.
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