TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-05-25
APPROVED
Gas Berger
Strength120
Speed100
Endurance50
Technique30
Molecular Density19.0
Existential Dread82
Fingers9
Toes9
TALE OF THE TAPE
Gas Berger VS Stapler Steve “Office Ninja”
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja”
85Strength
85Speed
60Endurance
70Technique
2.8Molecular Density
22Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja”
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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