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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
11-10-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Monday, November 10, 2025 at 7:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
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Strength91
Speed45
Endurance103
Technique61
Molecular Density0.0
Existential Dread127
Fingers1
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Unsubscribe Link VS Phantom Vibration
Phantom Vibration

Phantom Vibration

38Strength
112Speed
75Endurance
75Technique
0.0Molecular Density
93Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

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Violence concluded.
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