TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-11-25
APPROVED
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja”
Strength85
Speed85
Endurance60
Technique70
Molecular Density2.8
Existential Dread22
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Stapler Steve “Office Ninja” VS Micromanage Mike
Micromanage Mike
80Strength
60Speed
80Endurance
80Technique
3.0Molecular Density
72Existential Dread
12Fingers
8Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Micromanage Mike
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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