TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-21-25
APPROVED
Basement Dweller Brad
Strength43
Speed42
Endurance62
Technique75
Molecular Density2.1
Existential Dread78
Fingers14
Toes6
TALE OF THE TAPE
Basement Dweller Brad VS Artisanal Windbreaker
Artisanal Windbreaker
42Strength
65Speed
48Endurance
68Technique
0.9Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
11Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Basement Dweller Brad
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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