TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-21-25
APPROVED
Porkbun Pete
Strength71
Speed78
Endurance77
Technique74
Molecular Density52.6
Existential Dread20
Fingers7
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Porkbun Pete VS Grout Goblin Gary
Grout Goblin Gary
74Strength
76Speed
80Endurance
70Technique
3.7Molecular Density
44Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Grout Goblin Gary
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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