TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-21-25
APPROVED
Chairman Meow
Strength85
Speed62
Endurance84
Technique69
Molecular Density87.7
Existential Dread66
Fingers6
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
Chairman Meow VS The Unlicensed Magician
The Unlicensed Magician
104Strength
47Speed
87Endurance
62Technique
73.2Molecular Density
100Existential Dread
10Fingers
9Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Chairman Meow
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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