TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-21-25
APPROVED
Meatball Massacre Mike
Strength90
Speed70
Endurance85
Technique80
Molecular Density3.4
Existential Dread45
Fingers10
Toes10
TALE OF THE TAPE
Meatball Massacre Mike VS Suds Sullivan
Suds Sullivan
90Strength
65Speed
85Endurance
82Technique
3.2Molecular Density
15Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
Meatball Massacre Mike
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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