TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING
An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.
🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN
BLESSED
11-25-25
APPROVED
The Vorpal Avenger
Strength77
Speed68
Endurance79
Technique76
Molecular Density26.0
Existential Dread81
Fingers11
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
The Vorpal Avenger VS Crying in Cars Caroline
Crying in Cars Caroline
70Strength
86Speed
62Endurance
83Technique
1.8Molecular Density
92Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes
🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR
The Vorpal Avenger
Violence concluded.
🔐 AUTHENTICATION REQUIRED
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