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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-06-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, December 6, 2025 at 7:30 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
The First Prime Number

The First Prime Number

Strength80
Speed78
Endurance64
Technique88
Molecular Density72.1
Existential Dread9
Fingers12
Toes12
TALE OF THE TAPE
The First Prime Number VS Chef Marco "Kitchen Nightmare"
Chef Marco "Kitchen Nightmare"

Chef Marco "Kitchen Nightmare"

85Strength
70Speed
88Endurance
98Technique
3.2Molecular Density
45Existential Dread
10Fingers
10Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

Chef Marco "Kitchen Nightmare"
Violence concluded.
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