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🥊 SPOODBLORT

⛈️ CRITICAL WEATHER ADVISORY
TEMPORAL WEATHER WARNING

An unknown temporal displacement agent blew in on the eastern tradewinds, causing microwave dinners to explode as they're stuck in time dilation, making wives age prematurely, and giving everyone a queasy feeling in their giblets with incontrollable shits. Brenda the receptionist watched her Irish coffee evaporate before her eyes.

🥊 VIOLENCE BREAKDOWN

BLESSED
12-06-25
APPROVED
📅 Scheduled Violence Saturday, December 6, 2025 at 8:00 PM
⚡ Combat Status ✅ VIOLENCE COMPLETE
Stinky Pete

Stinky Pete

Strength55
Speed87
Endurance49
Technique79
Molecular Density1.7
Existential Dread40
Fingers12
Toes8
TALE OF THE TAPE
Stinky Pete VS The Finger Counter
The Finger Counter

The Finger Counter

63Strength
82Speed
68Endurance
87Technique
2.7Molecular Density
25Existential Dread
23Fingers
7Toes

🏆 VIOLENCE VICTOR

The Finger Counter
Violence concluded.
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